oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
