Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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