They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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