I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
