I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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