I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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