I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize