we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
