i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
