After last night, I could never be a politician.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
