My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
