We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm having to shit out rocks
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