at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Small penises have feelings too.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
