I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
