I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
