And the cops told us we were all naked.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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