why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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