I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
