I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
