My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
