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Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
