She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
