OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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