I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
