Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
