I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
