I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
