This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
