There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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