I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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