I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
