i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
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things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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