Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
