I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
