I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
