you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i will never coherently bang her
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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