So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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