So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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