You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
