Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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