I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
