y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
