Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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