hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
