Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
