my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
