So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
