this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
