I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
