Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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