She went from zero to smokin in five shots
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
