guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
