I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
