You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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