ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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