I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
