My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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