So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
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The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
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How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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