he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
