erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
