I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
